A time to reflect.

AS I put the kids to bed tonight I whispered in their ears “Sleep tight, Mummy will be home in the morning”.  Each laughed at me and said “But you are home!”.  Yes, but tomorrow was the day I was meant to return home from my lengthy trip to the USA.  It’s wonderful to be home but I can’t help feeling a little sad that I didn’t finish what I started out to do in the USA.

I’ve been home a week now.  One minute I was eating dinner at a fabulous old-style Mexican restaurant in California, the next minute I had news that Paul’s Mum had been given hours to live after a brain haemorrhage.  Within hours I was on a plane home, having had the news that she had passed away.  Paul was having to deal with 3 grieving children alone, plus have to organise his Mum’s funeral alongside his sister.   Those hours before deciding to leave California (and Prima were amazingly supportive in letting me go from my contracted teaching work) and then those hours spent making trying to sleep and make small talk on the plane were some of the loneliest and saddest I have ever felt.  I thank goodness for great employers, fabulous friends and a wonderful family.

So a week on we have done some of the sad stuff – a funeral and then a burial up north.  There is so much more to do though, and I had no idea just how heartbreaking some of the after-the-funeral stuff could be. 

I’m also feeling sad about the USA.   Months of work, and it really was months of work (on and off, obviously), that didn’t get completed.  No closure.  All the preparations for me to be away from home, the work that I put in during times I should have been relaxing with the kids.  That is all sitting heavy with me.  Regrets that I didn’t spend enough time with certain people in the USA – had I known I’d be plucked away so quickly I would have done things differently in the few days I was there.  It’s all laying really heavily on me right now.

I love scrapbooking, or maybe I love storytelling.  I haven’t figured out which right now.  But sometimes.  Just sometimes I wonder the value of what I do with the teaching and the travelling, the eventing and being out there in public.  I can say in the hours that I wasn’t with them when they needed me most, that the distance apart from them was far too huge.  The last week has been a massive thinking time for me. 

For those of you at Art*Venture, I wish I could have been there.  I hope you understood.   I loved my projects dearly.  It would have been fabulous to teach them in person. I have heard the event turned out to be something out of this world, I knew it would be.

I have lots of people to thank.  People that sent flowers, texts, calls, emails, facebook messages, cards and best wishes.  The friends that got me on the plane, Prima who encouraged me to be with my family, the whole Prima team that one by one each consoled me during the craziness of CHA.  From the people I haven’t seen in years that turned up to the funeral, to the community of Mangakaramea that flew their town hall flag at half mast on the day we took Nannie North home to rest, to those that helped us drink to Nana North on Friday night, you were all part of making us feel better.  Each and every one was appreciated and I can safely say that my faith in humanity has been restored.  This is an amazing world we live in.

Laters

 

Abby and Nana North with some flowers picked from her garden, 2008.

Art*Venture project 1 – an altered from with removable layout using some of the newest Prima products.   There was also a 2nd layout to go with this class.

Comments

[Anam]

sending my love.

[Danice]

I'm sorry it all happened, I hope that the stuff that weighs heavily now eases up in the near future

[Bev.]

Sending my love to you at this sad and difficult time.

[Deb]

thinking of you and your family at this time xx

[Kim Russell]

You are truly an amazing person Nic, I don't know how you did it, huge hugs and kisses from us down under

[Lainie]

I'm very sorry you're going thru so much right now. I also want to say that I love reading your blog, you tell it so well, so well my eyes are tearing up reading this beautiful post.

Warmest hugs.

[Barb]

Thinking of you and sending my love. (((Hugs)))

[Jo Baker]

Hugs Nic. Losing people we love has a habit of making us revaluate where we are at in our own lives and makes us concentrate on how much time we spend with those we love. Your work may take you away but when you are home I'm sure you make up for it in many more ways.
I was once told that it takes rain to make rainbows. Hope the sun shines for you again soon xx

[Katherine B]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Nic. Praying you and your family find peace and comfort during this very difficult time. Sending lots and lots of hugs your way.

[Martha Richardson]

So sorry for your loss and I hope that you find peace in all your thoughts!

[Dolly]

I'm so sorry to hear of your family's loss Nic. Prayers lifted for peace for all of you.

[Carolyn Cease]

My prayers are with you and your family, Nic.

[Debby Schuh]

I've been thinking of you and your family the last few days - I can't imagine the mix of feelings you've had. Praying for you and Paul and the kids and hoping that all your happy memories will be a comfort to you.

[Debbie]

Thinking of you all Nic....put your thoughts and efforts into scrappin the memories you have of your mum-in-law and family!

[Gela]

Sending you much love and prayers from California.

[Karyn P]

I just completely bawled my eyes out. Nic, you are a wonderful person, wife, mother and friend. You were missed dearly at Art*Venture, but you were where you were needed most, with your family. I pray that you find a little peace in knowing you are so loved. xoxoxoxo

[Judy]

So sorry to hear of your family's loss.Sending love to you all, cherish those memories .

[Alison]

NIc - sending hugs and keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers now and in the days ahead! My deepest condolences on your family's loss!

My heart was aching for you when I read your post - go easy on yourself and keep scrapbooking and telling the stories - so the people you love, and the memories you have of them are preserved. I love following your amazing work through your blog, having found you through True Scrap - you are such an inspiration!

[Teryl]

Oh Nic, I feel so sad and have tears in my eyes, what a hard time for all your family with you being so far away. Treasure this time now back with those most dear, sending you big hugs xoxoxo

[Rachel]

Thinking of you Nic, Paul and the kids such a hard time for you all, sending big hugs

[Janet]

My thoughts and prayers are with you Nic and your husband and family.I understand your dilemma a little as our daughter was in the middle of the ocean in the Bahamas working on a liner when Barry passed away suddenly and it took days to get her home...the one blessing was she had her husband with her....you were alone. I know everyone will understand. I know you have so many people out there thinking of you...you have made so many people happy the world over.Bless you all xxx

[Joy McPhail]

So sorry to read of your loss. Love to all of you xoxox

[Dianne]

Caring thoughts to you and your family at this difficult time.

[Karen Freeman]

Nic and family, My heart goes out to you all. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so glad you were able to be back here in NZ to say a lovely goodbye with your family and friends to your Nana North. She looked like an awesome lady. I'm thinking of you all over this time ahead. take care.Karen

[Lisa]

Hi Nic, so sorry for your loss. I have always wanted to meet you in person. Ive learned so much from you (your blog, books and Dimensional Details classes). I did take your class at Primas Artventure - it was my favorite! Cari did an absolutely wonderful job stepping in for you - and everyone in that classroom agreed that you needed to be home with your family. Hopefully you will return to CA in the future, I will be first in line to take a class from you.